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Friday, 5 November 2010
Written By: AFITI on 23:46:00
Assalamuaikum. Just wanna share what I had read.
One of the biggest obstacles that we *all* have to face from the time to time is dealing with "Confrontation". And most of us can't stand it!! Fact is, you're not going to be able to 'win' every time ...and some people are so stubborn that they'll argue till they're blue in the face - even when they KNOW they are wrong! Do you know someone like this? I certainly do! In fact, many years ago...I was this person! Call it stubborn pride, call it ridiculous... whatever label you give it - there is ONE thing I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty: This behavior will inevitably result in a clash. If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of this stubbornness (or even if *you* are the stubborn one) -- the best way to move through the situation is to be "assertive". Assertive people are not rude, mean, cruel, and insensitive. Assertive people do not project a callous disrespect and disregard for everyone around them.
Assertive people merely project their own humble awareness of their inherent worth; and everyone is worthwhile -even you.Respect for other people, empathy for their feelings, and recognition of their worth are all underpinnings of an assertive personality. Resentment, frustration, impatience, and anger all 'cloud' what could be a purely assertive act. So, what's the "trick" then? Whenever possible... waiting to speak or act until you can do it from a place of Calm Respect - f'ree of resentment, frustration, impatience, and anger, will transform the situation into one where everybody wins.
By the same token, simply 'waiting out' your negative feelings without taking measures to relieve yourself of them can lead to a build-up of negative emotions. This dangerous phenomenon is known as the "pressure-cooker" syndrome... When unexpelled negative emotions build up to the point where we "blow our top" -- usually in the wrong place at the wrong time and directed at the wrong people, in any case doing more harm than good.Being Genuinely Assertive requires being responsible for your thoughts and feelings... Being responsible for your thoughts and feelings does "not" mean blaming and unloading on others. It means 'taking responsibility' for the thoughts andfeelings we have and acting responsibly in accordance with them. In the case of the "pressure cooker" syndrome... it's our resentment and frustration with ourselves for 'putting up' with an unpleasant and intolerable scenario that leads to our inappropriate outbursts. It's ourselves we're mad at; not the other person. So don't take it out on them. Deal with the one responsible: yourself. Then and 'only' then can you deal responsibly with anything outside yourself. The Exciting News Is... Once you learn the ability to express your feelings respectfully and proactively, you'll no longer lose control to stubborn pride or inappropriate emotional outbursts. These are the qualities of being truly assertive.